divorcediva

It is really sad that in our society in 2008 many mothers who do not want custody, are not cut out to be custodians are keeping their children to avoid being stigmatized. It’s true, ask your friends. I bet you if you ask your friends what they think of a woman who gives up custody to the father they’ll say that she’s not much of a mother.

Mothers who should give up custody are keeping the children in order to get child support and other benefits and the courts are biased enough in favor of women to allow it to happen. As a society we are biased and we think nurtring is the domain of women, of mothers.

This thinking is really hurting women and children in the long run. It marginalizes the importance of fathers, and it holds women back from reaching their full potentional in their careers.

If you are a mom who doesn’t want to have full custody of your children after the divorce, don’t hold back, offer the settlement to your ex and you might be surprised at the outcome. Most men do not ask for childsupport, and some are even willing to keep paying alimony. You never know if you don’t ask.

As far as the view of others, stand up for yourself. Tell people the truth, your’e not cut out for being a single parent, you want to succeed in your career, or whatever you true reasons are, don’t hold back because you have nothing to be ashamed of, men have been doing it for generations.

If any of you think that the courts really watch out for the best interest of children I challenge you to go watch live divorce court. Yes, you can do that. Most counties have open court rooms and you can just walk on in and observe the proceedings. You may be asked what you’re doing, but you can tell them, “observing” and you can go in as long as you’re not a party to the case.

 Recently I watched some divorce proceedings. I was appalled. I have no idea how a judge can make a decision on what he hears in the court room. I saw children being made to testify against their parents, usually by ONE parent. Each time this judge told the parent who was calling their child to the stand, “are you sure you want to do this?” Each time they said “yes” and each time the child was miserable and uncomfortable and being put in an awful position.

If I was a judge, unless there was some proved abuse involved, any parent who called their child to the stand to testify against the other parent for petty reasons would lose custody.

I’ve always said that when I got a divorce I chose to have to put my children first. When you’re married you put the marriage first, as you should. But when you divorce, the children have to now come first. You don’t allow your dislike of the other parent to cloud what is best for your children.

Some things I think are lousy for a parent to do after divorce.

1) Move away from the child

2) Move the child away from the other parent

3) Not pay child support

4) Lie about your ex not paying child support

5) Thinking you won’t have to work and earn money after divorce. Sorry but unless your ex is wealthy you’re going to have to work. It is unrealistic to think that you can stay home while the NCP lives under the bridge.

6) Talking bad about the other parent to the children- I find this sickening and disgusting. I don’t CARE what your ex did to you, leave the kids out of it.

7) Not showing up on time to pick up or deliver the kids- Whether NCP or CP you need to do things on time.

Not being flexible but expecting the other parent to be flexible. Either have some flexibility or don’t but you can’t have it both ways.

One question comes to mind after watching the court in action. Why does a judge make orders and then never make anyone follow them? The ONLY orders I saw being enforced had to do with money. Yes, money is important but so are other things like visitation, not moving without notice, and alienating the child from the other parent. Those things should be enforced with the same impact as the money issues.

I understand that divorce is hard. I know it. Nevertheless, if you are getting a divorce and you cannot stop it through counseling or reasonable measures, and it’s basically a done deal, stop being stupid and unreasonable!Don’t expect that your ex can continue supporting you in the manner that you were previously supported when you were married. It just cannot happen. There are two households now to take care of. Be reasonable about the money. If you’re one of the lucky few who married a rich man then fine, but if your soon to be ex makes 12 dollars an hour, sorry, he has to live too.  I don’t care if he’s a total jerk, he has to pay rent, pay for gas, and food too. Not to mention that he has to have a place for the children to visit that is safe and clean. My advice is to get a job and do not depend on him to support you. Yes, he should pay child support if he is the non-custodial parent. I am not saying he shouldn’t. But you cannot expect him to give you half of his paycheck and then live off the other half. At 12 dollars an hour, he’ll only be bringing home about 700 every two weeks after taxes and withholdings especially because he is now a single man, unlike you, who gets to file as head of household.So forget alimony, and forget asking for over guideline support. Stick to the guidelines, they are mostly fair depending upon where you live, and go get a job. 

Hello! My name is Stephanie L Watson. I’m your Divorce Diva. Why in the world would anyone want to be a Divorce Diva? Ha well, I have the experience. I have been divorced twice. I’ve known a lot of divorced people, and I seem to end up trying to talk a lot of people, whom I know and some that I don’t know, through their divorces.

 I have to tell you up front. I can be harsh sometimes. I don’t agree with continuing on the fighting after a divorce. I don’t agree with mothers always getting custody. I don’t agree that a father should have to be homeless to prove that he loves his children. I believe in equal rights for women AND men. Sometimes that gets me in trouble with certain people.

I think most of the time even if you don’t like what I have to say, you’ll know that I’m right. If you’re single and getting a divorce then it’s all about you, but if you have children, well, then it’s all about the children!

So, check back every day, tell me what you think about the things I tell you and I’ll tell you what I think about anything you ask me..